Joke of the Day!

I bought my girlfriend a riot shield and baton for Christmas. I thought I'd get them early...you know…to beat the crowds.

Dad Joke

😉 I'm currently reading a book called: 'There's a hole in my bucket!' by Lee King.

One Liners

😆  People who confuse the metaphorical and the factual make my head literally explode.

😄 Head lice are now resistant to all the usual medical treatments, which has scientists scratching their heads.

😄 When I was little, we were so poor, that on my 6th birthday, my mom put 3 candles on half a cake and stuck it in front of a mirror.

Short Jokes

😂  The worship leader at church announced that he was going to sing the 22nd psalm. After she finished, my young granddaughter whispered to me, "that was NOT a 20 second psalm!"

😂  So after the tragic death of his lovely wife Ethel, Burt decided to call the newspaper with a message for the Obituaries column. He read out his message to the phone assistant at the newspaper "Ethel Mary Jane Harris - 14th January 1940 to 3rd April 2021. Ethel was a loving wife of 60 years and an accomplished pianist much loved by her students whom she taught the piano to and the world will not be the same place without her. Much loved. With the angels now" The assistant at the newspaper said, "that is such a beautiful verse and the cost is forty five pounds" Burt replies, "that seems a lot of money, is that right?" The newspaper assistant says, "the cost is one pound per word, would you like to change your message?" Burt thinks and replies, "Ethel dead, piano for sale".

😂 Beverly is 90 years old. She's played golf every day since her retirement 25 years ago. One day she arrives home looking sad. "That's it," she tells her husband. "I'm giving up golf. My eyesight has become so bad that once I hit the ball I can't see where it went." The husband makes her a cup of tea, and says, "Why don't you take me with you and give it one more try.?" "That's no good," sighs Beverly, "Your a hundred and three. You can't help."! "I may be a hundred and three" says Gus, "but my eyesight is perfect." So the next day Beverly heads off to the golf course with her husband, Gus. She tees up, takes a mighty swing and squints down the fairway. She turns to her husband and says, "Did you see the ball?" "Of course I did!" replied Gus. "I have perfect eyesight". "Where did it go?" says Beverly. Gus..."I don't remember".

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A merry heart does good, like medicine. Proverbs 17:22